A history of rape

My last post was many years ago. I have been through so much since then, psychologically, emotionally and physically.

My post today focuses on my rapes. I felt the need to start writing about my experiences in order to get healing in my spirit.

Rape is an scourge that has been around since time immemorial yet we still experience it. As a survivor of two incidents of rape, one as a minor and the other as an adult, the effects are felt many years later.

Last year I lost my dad, my best friend. He protected me and always defended me to the very end. He was my hero but I will tell you more about him in a post dedicated to him.

Losing him has caused me to face my inner demons and face the reality that I do not have his physical and mental protection anymore.

My rape as a minor occurred when an older female cousin abused me in my dollhouse at my childhood home. She was also raped as a child and I try and see it in this light, albeit difficult. As a child I never told my parents because I felt that it “was my fault.”

I have run away from facing the reality of this horrid experience. I have questioned my sexuality and my purpose on this earth as a woman. I was never comfortable to discuss this with anyone, until I lost my dad. I never wanted to disappoint him even though I know in my heart of hearts that he would have supported me, as he always did.

Many people wonder, why is Britney so unfriendly or introverted at times? I suffer from major depressive disorder as a result of the trauma of my rapes inter alia.

The adult rape was the most horrid experience of my life. The rumours that spread as a result thereof really and truly cut me deep. I was gang raped by a homosexual man and a heterosexual man, neither of which was consensual. My mum found out about it and was told that this “threesome” was consensual. I felt so ashamed and denied the act, never admitting the true nature thereof. This was not consensual. This was rape. A true violation of my womanhood.

I struggle many days to lift myself out of my pit of depression. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for but everyday is a work in progress. I am blessed to have my husband at my side. He supports me regardless of what I have been through in my past. He tells me that I am beautiful even though there are times when I feel ugly and dirty because of my trauma. He always encourages me to forget about the past and focus on the present and the future.

I hope that this post will help the victims of rape to talk, or write about their feelings. You are a survivor, it was never your fault. Tell yourself that everyday, no one deserves to take your dignity away.

#PowerToTheSurvivors #Rape #History